Poisonous Nail

Recently I recollected an episode from childhood.

When I was little, maybe 4 or 5, I was chewing my nails and my mom and aunt Lu told me that I had to be very careful with his habit since we all have a poisonous nail. We all have one, and it varies from person to person, so it's better not to chew any in case you want to keep on living. 

That was the end on my habit. I simply stopped and forgot about the whole thing.

Then another day, something triggered the memory and I was baffled by it. 

I went my whole life not thinking about, but somewhere in the depths of my subconscious mind, I had the belief that we all have a poisonous nail. It took me about 35 years to bring that back and re-evaluate the facts. 

What else am I carrying around as "true fact", weighing me down along the process?

How many white little lies we just take it in?

Question the world kids. Question yourself, most of all. 

Thanks mom. I'll send you the therapy bill.  

New Birth

Self-discovery was confused by a joint experience. 

It was put aside as meaning took precedence,

It laid dormant with mundane distraction. 

Self has been patiently waiting,

Its colors eager to show,

its labels  peeling one at a time

unfold and stating: THIS IS ME.

Tereza's Diary

She thought her words documented days

She thought her Blog told of childhood antics

But she was writing a history book, 

the only history that really mattered to us.

We were kings and queens, 

knights and hobos, 

Fairies and beasts,

We were kids. We were dreams.

We were spring's self-realization. 

Homesick

Yesterday I had a taste of what pizza should really be like. We went to a Brazilian Grill that had a Pizza Rodizio night and it was fabulous.  No wonder we have the saying there that "everything ends in a pizza party."

The toppings, piled high, are different than what we have here in America, and are combined in a way that makes Americans question our taste. But once they try it, it's a sure winner. 

One thing very strange for us there was the language we spoke.

We walked in and automatically said Hi instead of Oi, just because that's what is natural now. Then they look at Alex, with his Army t-shirt, assumed that we are not Brazilians, and kept talking to us in English. Half way thru we said something in Portuguese and that we are Brazilians, but throughout the night, we all kept going back and forth between both languages. It feels so unnatural to me talk in Portuguese with people that are not close friends or family. 

By now I have spent more time of my life here in the US than I had in Brasil, and that seems to take its toll sometimes.  

Endurance

She sat down and took a deep breath,

Sometimes she found herself

caught in a cloud of anxiety

By now she's learned that the first impact stings, 

But time would ease the tightness in her breathing

One step at a time has never made so much sense

as it does nowadays.

Then she stood up again 

Tied the shield around her arms

And faced the wind. 

Encyclopedia of Bugs

During the week prior my son's Airborne graduation, I kept catching myself making mental notes of things I needed to remind him before he left for his First Duty Station. When it became overwhelming, I decided to write the little reminders, and it wasn't any better.

I had to stop myself, take that deep breath everyone kept talking about; and trust that he did pay attention along the way. So then, I could concentrate on the really important things that I had to make sure he "got it" and we tend not to say it in many words. Thus this little project was born.

As anyone in the Army knows, plans change with minutes notice, and so did his travels to FDS. We had basically 2 days to get all his affairs in order. When I finished, I didn't have time to revise it or make the cover I wanted. You will see many errors, but I decided not the fix them after. The errors are part of the story. 

I see this as a very personal gift (especially on the title) from me to my son, but today I've decided to share with other Army Parents. I'm sure there are many out there feeling just like I did. Support your kid/partner. 

Unpredictability

While he was steady like a rock, 

His gaze held a touch of the unpredictable.

While he was thirsty for independence,

He still missed having to hold hands.

While he was longing for home

His eagerness for adventure was palpable.